Perfectly Imperfect: The Liberating Art of Making 'Rubbish' and Learning from Mistakes

I've been reading the book Effortless by George McKeown, and a recent section really resonated with me. It was about the effortless process of learning and how that involved "rubbish", as he called it.

What is rubbish? It is all of the mistakes that we make in the process of learning.

As a former elite athlete and Army veteran, I had often been "mistake-averse", always striving for perfection and, sometimes, shying away from opportunities for growth out of fear of messing up.

Can you relate to the fear of making mistakes?

The Freedom of Accepting Imperfection

Over the last couple of years, I've noticed my fear of mistakes lessening and, along with it, a growing sense of freedom. When we're not so contracted with fear and the need for perfection, we have space within ourselves to try new things, and we can then have grace and an open mind when we mess up.

I don't even like to call it "messing up" because it's all about learning. My perspective has changed from using words like "mistakes" and "messing up" to words like "lessons learned" and "personal growth".

This also came up recently when my son came home with a lower than normal grade on a test. As is typically the case with a nine-year-old boy, I didn't get much out of him in terms of what happened or why the low grade.

It was even more challenging when he told me he wasn't going to take advantage of the option to redo the test in hopes of improving. As a straight A student, I was cringing inside!

The Sacred Pause with Imperfection...

I had to check in with myself. I asked, "What really matters right now?"

The grade didn't ultimately matter. The fact that he made mistakes was actually a good thing. What mattered was that he learned something from this experience.

So, we had that conversation. It actually felt liberating within myself as I spoke these words to him, "You know, it's really not the grade that matters. I want you to learn something from this experience in order to do better next time."

I truly believed what I was saying, too. Years ago I most assuredly would have freaked out over a C, but my own practice of valuing mistakes and seeing them as opportunities of growth had truly matured from the seed of intention to the rich foliage of a more balanced, calm, and fruitful experience in life.

He is going to redo the test, and I'm happy that it's because we discussed just showing up and doing our best with the intention of learning and growing and not out of the need for perfection.

The Freedom to Make Mistakes Opens Us to Infinite Possibilities

Ultimately, this intentional letting go of perfection and shifting our focus to optimizing our growth through mistakes and rubbish open up a world of possibilities that would have never been possible had we stayed contracted in the need to be perfect and the fear of mistakes.

Before watching a video I made a couple of years back (ironically inspired by a different book!) on this same exact topic, here are two parts of Effortless that I just have to share!

Pg 128: George McKeown is talking about learning a language and how mistake-averse people often are in learning languages, so they never practice. He has a friend who teaches Spanish with a very different approach. Here it is...

"He has learned that when it comes to languages, embracing mistakes leads to accelerated learning. He teaches his language students to imagine they have a bag full of one thousand beads. Every time they make a mistake talking to someone else in the language they take out one bead. When the bag is empty they will have achieved level 1 master. The faster they make those mistakes, the faster they will progress."

And finally, he concludes the chapter with, "By embracing imperfection, by having the courage to be rubbish, we can begin. And once we begin, we become a little less rubbish, and then a little less. And eventually, out of the rubbish come exceptional, effortless breakthroughs in the things that matter."

One Final Piece on Mindfulness and Imperfection

In my own experience, there has to be a sense of inner safety, within myself, to even consider mistakes as acceptable. Mindfulness and self-compassion are foundational tools and practices that nurture a refuge within ourselves that makes mistakes okay, and even encouraged.

Imagine a trapeze artist. There's no way in hell they are going to attempt new tricks, knowing they are going to miss and fall, if there isn't a safety net below them. Mindfulness and self-compassion are the safety nets that remind us, "It's okay to not get it right all the time. It's okay to try and then completely miss."

Mindfulness gives us permission to fully feel what it's like to give something a try only to fall short of a desired outcome. Self-compassion prevents the inner critic from hijacking or demeaning us for mistakes. When we know we've got our own back, so to speak, we trust the safety net of self-kindness to catch us each time we fall and support us in getting back up for another go. Ultimately, mindfulness and compassion breed resilience to keep trying, no matter what.

I hope these words and the following video offer you a little taste of freedom to make mistakes and experience the effortless growth and breakthroughs that are only possible through imperfection.

(Note: I have since left Kestrel Wellness and am offering holistic wellness and consulting solely through Fit Intuit

Can you relate to what I've shared in this post?

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