"A SILENT STRUGGLE DEFEATING ATHLETES"
This was the title of an article a read some time ago, and I just couldn’t help but have a cry as I read it. I could so deeply relate to what it was talking about.
I’ll give a brief summary here…
It began with a former figure skater whose career was cut short by a knee injury. She had her sights set on the Olympics, and in an instant, was no longer able to compete in the sport she loved.
She describes sitting in her room with five bottles of pills ready to put herself to rest indefinitely because she felt that if she didn’t have her sport, life wasn’t worth living. The depth of her pain was just too much for her to handle. Fortunately, the recent death of her father allowed her to call upon him in spirit and receive some deeper wisdom and strength to move forward.
This situation is, unfortunately, not as rare as we would hope. These are some of the statistics laid out in this article in relation to athletes and mental health:
Some of My Personal Experiences…
I, personally, can recall the intense depression that followed missing the Olympic Team by one spot back in 1996, the deep longing to die my third year doing collegiate gymnastics, and actually having a plan to end it all my final year of collegiate gymnastics. The depression and suicidal ideation didn’t end there, either. It has been a very painful experience that has come and gone throughout much of my adult life. I know I am not alone in this, and yet, we don’t share this suffering with others. Why?
Sport culture believes that depression is a weakness...
Well, based upon my own experiences in sport which were reiterated in this article, depression and not appearing as if you are “strong” or “completely put together” are still looked down upon. For some reason, there is a sense of shame in feeling these things. Most athletes start their sport quite young, and the developing brain starts to hear “control your emotions”, “don’t cry”, “toughen up” and many other commands that train the brain to believe this is the way to be successful. And ultimately, being successful means that you’ll be loved. So, the young brains start to make the connections…if I don’t cry and am tough, I’ll be successful, which means I’ll be loved.
My mom and I have a close relationship, and we have discussed at length many of the struggles that my body went through as an athlete and is now enduring, partly because of how I treated it when I was an athlete, and there are SO many things we would have done differently.
I remember reading an article that featured Shannon Miller when I was about 12 years old. It mentioned her eating a low-fat diet, so in that moment, I incorrectly made a connection that eating a particular way equaled success. So, I adopted a basically fat-free diet. It became an obsession. I would look at every single nutrition fact and became paranoid of fat.
It just makes me cringe knowing what I know now, but it was such a narrow minded approach that the only thing that mattered at that time was doing whatever I could to reach my dream of the Olympics.
I Think, or at Least Hope, Things are Turning For the Better…
Nutrition and body image are just one of the many issues that arise when parents, coaches, and athletes develop tunnel vision within their sport. As this article discussed, one athlete said that leaving their sport felt like an instant death. Too often, an athlete’s identity IS their sport, so when they leave the sport, it feels like they have died. Sometimes the pain of this loss, when not addressed and grieved appropriately, can lead to athletes actually causing their own death because the pain of the loss is just too much to bear.
It’s truly tragic, but I believe this is not the end of the story.
As this article shares, there are members of the NCAA and many other programs that are now in place to raise awareness around mental health issues among athletes. There are enough former athletes now sharing their stories and realizing that they don’t want the same patterns and suffering to continue in sport.
As one former football player who now works for the Los Angeles Rams said, “Even the brokenness of finding my identity outside of sports, and knowing that I’m more than an athlete, it’s been a blessing in disguise”. He can see how becoming aware of his own suffering is now allowing him to stop the painful cycle in other athletes.
Jonathan Orr, a former receiver for the Tennessee Titans and Oakland Raiders, founded an organization called Athlete Transition Services and helps players prepare for life after sport. He is quoted in this article as well, stating, “Honestly, it can take years to establish a healthier self-identity.” He is helping to make this process a little smoother.
So athletes don’t have to do this alone, and that message needs to be shared over and over.
Things may be moving in a positive direction. I felt relieved to hear former UCLA head gymnastics coach Val Kondos, aka Miss Val, share the topic of her TED talk entitled “Winning Doesn’t Always Equal Success”. I highly recommend you watch this. I won’t say anything more about it…you just need to watch it. (Actually, I will say one thing…she actually alludes to mindful listening! She doesn’t use the word “mindful”, but she perfectly describes it! Thank you, Miss Val!)
These are wonderful steps in the right direction. Athletics CAN serve as a beautiful microcosm of life where children can learn how to be a truly caring and compassionate teammate, learn and grow from challenges, honor and take care of their bodies, and, as Miss Val puts it, “have fun at working really, really hard”.
It is possible to reach one’s fullest potential in sport and through sport. It doesn’t have to be based upon winning, looking a certain way, or enduring the most pain and suffering.
It requires a deep awareness (i.e mindfulness) on the part of parents, coaches and athletes…an awareness of emotions, thoughts, and the body and the impact of sport on every aspect.
It requires more open communication and honesty.
It requires a safe space where athletes can share what they are truly feeling without fear of judgment or being made to feel “weak”.
I would love to know that the collective healing of my own suffering and the suffering of so many current and former athletes will shift this painful current. As those of us who have suffered touch into the depth of the pain and start to see more clearly the underlying causes, the alchemy of awareness and compassion in action can create a future where sport serves as the beautiful teacher that it has the potential to be.
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